Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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