He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
