please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
