You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
