sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
