The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have aggressive nipples.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
