my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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