i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
