Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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