Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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