I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
