I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
