she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
