I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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