Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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