A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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