You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
