At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
