I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
