: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
