Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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