Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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