I could have mohawked her pubes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
