When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
