I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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