K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
