Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
