Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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