So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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