i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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