I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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