Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
