k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
