He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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