I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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