you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
