I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
soo... how was my night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
