i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I understand Curling. That high.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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