don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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