i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
