He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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