I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
