im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
