I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
