Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
