The maid of honor just puked.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We are two peas in an std pod
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I love you. Go after that dick
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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