my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
