I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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