Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
