Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
