thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
