We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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