i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
