I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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