bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
